Countdown

After all the struggles I have gone through the surgery is just around the corner. The countdown actually started two Mondays ago when I went for my final blood work and EKG. I thought to myself wow only five weeks to go. I remember when I booked the surgery last October, thinking how far away it is. I would tell my friends that my surgery was in 10 months, now there is only 24 days left.

I am asked how I feel by friends all the time. The say they are thinking of me and how close it is. Well it is close now and it will be not only a physical change but very emotional as well. I remember when I was close to making a decision about going full time it was on my mind always. This is very similar to that. I guess when there is life changing events you just natural seem to focus on what is important at the time.

My emotions are mixed right now.I am nervous about the surgery and if there will be complications. I worry about taking care of myself  when I return home and everything that is required for my post care. The emotion that is not here is excitement. I have been asked a lot in the past month you must be excited. I usually  say yes to the question but in fact I do not feel excited right now.  There is a quiet calm knowing that in 24 days I will finally be whole.

My best friend Kara tells me all the time that by thinking about it you will make yourself crazy. I sometimes think I must have been crazy to endure this all my life. I am not crazy but I probably won.t listen to her anyways. This is not to say she doesn't have a impact on my life. Just the opposite she has a way of challenging my thinking. When I am an emotional wreck she will text and call and just steady me.

Just when you think every thing is going fine,  life will through  you for a loop. This past week I went to the doctor to see about my blood work. It was an intern that saw me first. If she is the new bred of doctors we are surely lucky. She was interested and asked several questions. She was caring and even was looking forward to seeing me after the surgery as she wanted to know how I was doing.

Now back to the results of my blood work.  The strange thing was that even though I have not has sex in a long while in the back of my mind was the HIV test. As she started to go through my results all I heard was your blood sugar is high., however you do not have diabetes. She could have stopped there as the rest was a blur. She told me that I should not worry about it until after the surgery. How can you not worry it has been on my mind this past week. I know it can be controlled with diet and exercise but just another obstacle put in my way. Another thing to worry about.

 I will continue to countdown each day. There is still lots to get ready with so little time.  I am glad Kara is going to be there with me. The one thing I am sure about than anytime in my life is I am ready for the surgery and on September 13, 2011, I will have it.