Lessons My Mother Never Taught Me

Last night was talking to a friend of mind and the subject came up of unwanted attention and violence against women. Early in life women are taught, mostly by their mothers, that as a woman you have to be careful and must take steps to protect yourself. You have to know where you are most of the time as growing up there is a sense of vulnerability. As for me growing up even though I was beaten up several times by a bully who liked to pick on me I never felt that. I have walked in some dangerous places in my life and really never felt scared or worried. That has changed with me now living full time as a woman.
I remember the very first time I felt vulnerable as a woman. I had a late appointment to see my therapist and her office is not in the best part of town. I parked my car on the third floor of a parking garage and as I started to walk to the elevator. I noticed two younger men in the corner and suddenly they whistled and I heard the words hey mama. They casually started to walk forwards me and for the first time in my life I felt fear. My heart rate went up my hands clenched my car keys tightly and my pace quickened and nothing ever came of it.  Something changed that day for me.  I have become more aware of my surrounding, I won't walk in places that never bothered me before and I always have my guard up at night time.
I was recently on a vacation with several girl friends. We were all in a night club together and my one friend who is also transgender had her ass grabbed. I ask myself why to men think they have the right the right to do that. It made her feel uncomfortable and it was not a pleasant experience.  On the same trip I had a little to much to drink and was flirting with a man and the signals I gave out made him believe he might get lucky. So lately I have been thinking that since I have become attracted to men (and apparently them to me) how do I act, what signals am I giving out and do I have to be a little less friendly in certain situations.
Thinking back to my twenties when I was living as a man, I can remember going out to a night club and my friend asking a woman to dance.  When he got the cold shoulder I can still hear him say what a cold bitch. I had another friend who you would call a “player” and his object was to get laid.  Women were objects of conquest to him even though he had a lovely girl friend at the time. 
I have to ask myself why do - men see women as objects and from personal experience and what I’ve read, men do see woman as objects, at least initially.  And so do women.  It is how we make snap judgments about desirability in a matter of seconds.  I have been in conversation with men and when a beautiful woman walks in the room, nobody said she is intelligent, just I love to get her in bed.

. So it is no wonder that in our culture men do feel superior to women and when they are told no, they still think yes, and sometimes that leads to violence. So I guess I have to vigilant and learn the unwritten rules of the game on my own.  It is just something more I have to deal with and get use to along my road to complete transition