Virtual Reality Transition and Relationship

When I was in my darkest moments of my life I discovered a place called second life. It is a virtual reality game on the Internet. So when I was going through therapy and discovering who I was it gave me an outlet to be myself . I created aviator and Rachel was off and running. I would spent  hours and hours in a day escaping from the real world. The one I thought was cruel and unfair to me. The one I was having difficulties in functioning.

When I went there I thought I might be one of  a handful of transgender people. What I discovered was something quite different,There were lots of us in second life. Just like in the real world there was a spectrum from cross dressing to transsexuals and everything in between. Now having been on it fours years I find that the majority of transgender people on second life  will never transition or cross dress in real life but this does give them there own reality. I think that is a good thing as long as it doesn't consume me.

I think for a while it did consume my life I wanted the escapism it gave me.  I could be who I wanted to be.  I did  not have to think about the consequences that transitioning would cause me. I could stay away from the arguing that had been going on. I distanced myself from my family.  I even  discussed it with my therapist.

If you explore any of the virtual reality sites you will see if has also become a place where you think you can have relationships without any consequences. That is just not true. Yes sometimes they work out and the relationship grows into real life. But even the one that are successful there is quite often pain and suffering involved especially if a family is split up. I am not saying that the relationship caused the breakup just that it contributed to it.
There are people behind the aviators. You just can't walk away from a relationship and not have pain and suffering. These are real people with feeling and it doesn't matter,when you spend time that much time with some one  and breakup it hurts and sometime hurts bad. When it comes to relationship in second life it is my belief that a line has been crossed and it is no longer a game. There is also the  fact that a lot of couple that are partners in second life have different real life  partners. If they are spending that much time in second life how can they grow and nurture there own relationship. Or even worse how can they move on in their life if they really want to be happy

I only speak of this because I personally have been in several second life relationships. The first one was when I was still married and I had started to more forward with my transition.  I meet a woman who have the same interest that I did. She was not in a happy relationship and we could talk for hours. We would talk about my transition as she had accepted  Rachel on a partial level. We would discuss our work and our families. What was happening in our daily lives.What we would like to do and even talked  about living together. We did this for almost a year. The problem was she could accept me as a cross dresser but never a transsexual and by that time I knew it was right to follow the transition path and become full time. I know in the beginning of my journey I didn't want to accept that I would transition. I knew how much pain could be involved and I was scared, So in a way I was still in my shell but just as an aviator named Rachel. I finally broke it off with her. She was very hurt and some mean things were said between us. There has been a lot of water under the bridge and we go still stay in contact with each other.

The other relationship I had was when I was living full time and I was separated at the time. It started very slowly and we started dating and talking and getting acquainted  with each other. The relationship blossomed and we spend a lot of time together we were there for each other in some very rough times and supported each other. I fell in love with her but she loved me on a different level more like a close personal friend.

When her real life became burdensome and she knew that this long distance relationship as friends, lovers and partners would not work she left second life for a while. It was the easiest way of breaking up. I was hurt  and angry as I thought she loved me as much as  I did her. I looked into the mirror and saw the reflection of myself. I had to step back and look again. I still loved her but wasn't I trying to get into a relationship because I could not have a loving relationship with myself.

My ego was right in my face telling me see you aren't good enough, you won't have a relationship. That ego is sneaky always trying to go through the back door.  I have worked hard and made great progress in seeing when my ego is up too. I still slip now and than but I can laugh a little more when I catch my ego. I am loving myself.  She did come back to second life and we are close friends to this day.

Today I was on another virtual reality site and meet up with a woman that was a good friend and I had feeling for but was in another relationship at the time. We spend several hours together and those same feeling came back. We started to explore them and it felt very good. We talked about continuing to see each other. There was a connection between us and each one felt it. We both are experienced in the game and this time will take it slow. I do not believe that virtual relationship can survive there needs to be growth and a real life intimacy. We need to see the person's dirty socks and explore each other emotions while being together. I do believe though what with the mass media and technology of today that a long distance relationship can work . I will continue to see her and I hope we grow together. If this is to work it will have to be taken out of the virtual reality medium. I have grown over the past year and I am more confident in myself and have learned for some of my mistakes.

















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